Night Train to Murder Read online

  ‘Yes,’ I said reluctantly. ‘A really powerful psychic could walk right past you and you’d never know he was there. Remember the old rhyme – Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today, Oh how I wish he’d go away.’

  Penny shuddered. ‘That’s creepy!’

  ‘I always thought so.’

  ‘What about you, Ishmael? You always make such a big deal about your mind being different from everybody else’s. Would you be able to spot someone hiding behind a psychic shield?’

  ‘I always have in the past,’ I said steadily. ‘So I have to wonder if that’s why the Organization chose me for this duty … But really, Penny, the odds of us coming up against a psychic assassin are vanishingly small.’

  And then I stopped and looked thoughtfully at the table next to ours. Penny glanced across at it and then back at me.

  ‘Ishmael? What’s wrong? What are you staring at?’

  ‘Something interesting,’ I said. ‘Tell me, Penny … What do you see when you look at that table?’

  She looked again, taking her time. ‘Just an empty table, with two empty chairs … The tabletop could use a good clean, but apart from that … Why, Ishmael? Am I missing something?’

  ‘I would have to say yes,’ I said. ‘Because I see a man sitting at that table, looking right at me. And he’s smiling.’

  Penny’s head snapped round. She looked from one chair to the other, frowning fiercely, before turning back to me.

  ‘Ishmael … There’s no one sitting there. Really.’

  ‘I watched him walk into the café, right behind the Colonel,’ I said, not taking my eyes off the man at the table. ‘No one else looked at him. He didn’t stop to order a coffee from the girl at the counter, just walked right up to the table next to ours and sat down. I kept half an eye on him all the time we were talking with the Colonel, just in case he might be listening in. But now the Colonel has gone and he’s still there, and he still hasn’t ordered any coffee …’

  To her credit, Penny didn’t argue, just pushed her chair a little closer to mine and lowered her voice.

  ‘Ishmael, I can’t see a damned thing. What does this invisible man look like?’

  ‘Small, chubby, surprisingly cheerful – a well-dressed businessman type,’ I said. ‘Nothing out of the ordinary about him, except that no one else in the café has even glanced in his direction all the time he’s been here. I notice things like that. So … I think we have a psychic sitting next to us. One who should stop messing with your head right now, before I decide to go over there and make it clear to him just how discourteous he’s being. In a sudden and very violent way.’

  ‘There’s no need for violence, Mr Jones,’ said the man sitting at the next table.

  Penny almost jumped out of her chair. Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened as she pointed wildly at the man smiling politely back at her.

  ‘He’s there! I can see him now! Why couldn’t I see him before?’

  ‘Because he didn’t want you to,’ I said, grabbing her arm and pulling it down. ‘Now, please, hush, Penny. We don’t want to attract any attention, do we? Just sit there quietly, while I have a nice civilized conversation with the sneaky psychic person.’

  ‘They said you’d be able to see me,’ said the psychic. ‘And I didn’t believe them. Most people have no idea I’m around, if I don’t let them.’

  ‘I’m not most people,’ I said. ‘Now get over here and join us, before the other customers start wondering who I’m talking to.’

  ‘As you wish.’

  The man got up from his table and sat down opposite Penny and me. He appeared entirely calm and relaxed, and was still smiling cheerfully. And then he sneezed suddenly and looked at us apologetically.

  ‘Sorry about that. The tachyon count must be high. I blame the Martians.’

  Penny looked to me, and I shrugged. She peered quickly around the café and then scowled at the psychic.

  ‘How are you keeping everyone else from noticing you?’

  ‘Like you, I work undercover,’ said the psychic. ‘Only just a little bit more so. They don’t see me because I’m telling them no one’s here. A kind of selected blindness, if you like. I am the man who walks between raindrops and never needs an umbrella.’ He inclined his head to me courteously. ‘I have to say I’m very impressed, Mr Jones. You spotted me the moment I came in.’

  ‘It’s part of my job – to be able to see the things other people can’t,’ I said. ‘You were listening in on our conversation with the Colonel, so you know what’s going on. Would I be right in assuming you represent the Psychic Weapons Division?’

  ‘Of course, Mr Jones. Call me Nemo.’

  I winced. ‘Must I?’

  ‘You could call me Mr Nemo, if you prefer.’

  I looked at Penny. ‘He’s being clever. Nemo means no name. He’s saying he’s Mr Nobody.’

  Penny looked accusingly at the psychic. ‘You’re the man on the stairs!’

  Nemo raised an eyebrow. ‘I normally know what’s on most people’s minds, but I didn’t see that one coming.’ He turned his attention back to me. ‘It would seem some of the rumours about you are true after all, Mr Jones.’

  It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. ‘There are rumours about me?’

  ‘Only inside our own little community,’ said Nemo. ‘You know how it is: secret agents gossip like teenage girls during a pregnancy scare. If it helps, no one knows anything about you for sure.’

  ‘That does help,’ I said. I smiled reassuringly at Penny. ‘I don’t care about rumours. Actually, the more the better. They tend to cancel each other out.’

  Penny was still glowering suspiciously at Nemo. ‘What are you doing here? How did you even know we’d be meeting the Colonel?’

  ‘That’s a good question,’ I said, fixing Nemo with my best hard stare. ‘The Division isn’t supposed to know about the Organization’s interest in this case.’

  ‘Oh, please,’ said Nemo, entirely unperturbed. ‘It’s part of our job description to know about such things.’

  ‘You followed the Colonel all the way to Paddington behind your invisibility shield, didn’t you?’ said Penny.

  ‘Might have,’ said Nemo. ‘Not telling.’

  And then he leaned forward, so he could fix each of us in turn with his best intimidating gaze.

  ‘I have been instructed to make it very clear to you that the Division doesn’t need or want the Organization’s help. Several of our strongest minds will be watching over Sir Dennis’s train, all the way to Bath. More than enough to protect against any kind of psychic attack.’

  ‘But there’s always the purely physical attack,’ I said. ‘Even if you knew one was coming, with no onboard presence what could the Division do about it?’

  ‘Sir Dennis has been provided with an armed bodyguard,’ said Nemo. ‘The Organization’s interest and intervention are therefore entirely unnecessary. Not to mention insulting. We are quite capable of protecting our own people.’

  ‘The Organization has good reason to believe that a professional attempt will be made on Sir Dennis’s life,’ I said steadily. ‘And the very fact that I was able to see you, when no one else could, shows I can be useful in ways none of your people can.’

  ‘You’re going to insist on forcing your way on to this mission, aren’t you?’ Nemo said sadly. ‘Despite the Division’s wishes.’

  ‘I work for the Organization,’ I said. ‘Not the Division.’

  Nemo smiled at me, politely and not at all threateningly. ‘I’m sure I could change your mind.’

  I smiled back. ‘I’m pretty damned sure you couldn’t.’

  Nemo started to say something, but Penny cut in quickly.

  ‘You even try to put the fluence on Ishmael and I will club you down with the nearest table.’

  Nemo looked at her. ‘It would appear that the rumours about you are just as true, Ms Belcourt.’

  ‘Oh, they are,’ I said. ‘Rea
lly. You have no idea.’

  Nemo frowned suddenly and lowered his head, as though listening to some unheard voice. He shrugged and nodded briskly to me.

  ‘My superiors agree. You are hereby empowered to act as covert protection for Sir Dennis … in the event of a purely physical attack. Let us hope you’re not needed.’

  ‘By all means,’ I said. ‘Let’s be optimistic.’

  We looked at each other, like two fighters who’d studied each other’s form and were quietly relieved they weren’t going to have to fight after all.

  ‘Is there anything in particular the Division would like us to look out for on the train?’ I said carefully.

  ‘Not as far as I know,’ said Nemo, just as carefully.

  ‘Then why are you talking to us?’ I asked bluntly. ‘If the Division really gave a damn about our barging in, they’d make a formal complaint to the Organization. Probably hit them with a plague of boils. Or poltergeists.’

  Nemo nodded happily. ‘You are, of course, entirely correct, Mr Jones. It’s just that … We know the Organization exists, but we know so little about it. The opportunity to take a close look at two of its most formidable agents was just too tempting to resist.’

  ‘Hold it,’ said Penny. ‘We’re formidable?’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ said Nemo. ‘You and Mr Jones have an exemplary track record. For catching killers, if not always protecting their victims. Let us hope you have better luck when it comes to Sir Dennis.’ He smiled cheerfully and got to his feet. ‘Please, don’t get up. Since no one else can see me, that would just look weird.’

  ‘Will we be seeing you again?’ said Penny.

  ‘Not if I can help it,’ said Nemo.

  He adjusted his clothes in a fussy sort of way and then walked unhurriedly out of the café, brushing past people who didn’t even know he was there. Penny shook her head slowly.

  ‘All these sudden shocks and surprises are wearing me out. And the mission hasn’t even started properly yet. Do you believe all that moonshine about us having a formidable reputation?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I hope not. That’s the kind of thing that gets you noticed. But you can’t operate in a community like ours without making some ripples.’

  ‘Like throwing a stone into a pond?’ said Penny.

  ‘More like a hand grenade.’

  ‘I don’t think I like Mr Nemo knowing about us,’ said Penny. ‘The Colonel seemed convinced the Division was unaware of our involvement.’

  ‘That was never going to fly for long,’ I said thoughtfully. ‘The psychics watching over the train would have been bound to identify us the moment we stepped on board. Which leads me to believe … that the Colonel wasn’t being entirely honest with us.’

  ‘How unusual,’ said Penny.

  ‘Well, quite,’ I said. ‘It’s probably all about giving the Division the help they need, without them having to ask for it.’

  ‘My head hurts just from trying to follow all the implications,’ said Penny.

  ‘That’s psychics for you.’ I sipped my coffee and pulled a face. ‘OK, that is definitely worse than it was. Could be psychic fallout. You’d better check yours, in case there’s a frog in it.’

  ‘How were you able to see Nemo when no one else could?’ said Penny, pushing her cup even further away from her.

  ‘Because I’ve been specially trained. And because I’m me.’

  Penny just nodded. ‘I was surprised at how normal he seemed. Relatively speaking. Are all psychics like him?’

  ‘Hard to say,’ I said. ‘It’s not often you get to see one in the flesh. Usually, it’s just a sudden voice in your head, warning you away from something they don’t want you to know about. But basically psychics are just people with an unusual ability.’

  Penny grinned. ‘I’d love to see one on Britain’s Got Talent.’

  ‘Has to be better than a performing dog,’ I said.

  TWO

  People Watching

  Penny bustled off to WHSmith to buy herself a magazine. She always has to have something to read on a train; I think she’s worried her mind will stop working if she doesn’t keep it properly occupied.

  While she was busy doing that, I checked out the destination boards for the Bath Express. They informed me it would be leaving from Platform 2, along with a flashing sign that said Boarding. Just a general hint that everyone concerned should please get their arse in gear and get on the damned train. I checked my watch. Less than ten minutes before the train was due to depart, and still no sign of Penny. I was tempted to go into Smith’s after her, but past experience suggested that if I so much as cleared my throat while standing behind her, the whole process would immediately take that much longer.

  So I waited patiently outside the newsagents, not even tapping my foot in case that jinxed things, until Penny finally emerged clutching the latest issue of the Fortean Times. I took a quick look at the cover: a whole bunch of UFOs hovering curiously over Stonehenge. Penny smiled brightly at me, slipped her arm through mine and chatted happily as I led her quickly across the concourse to Platform 2.

  ‘Sorry, darling, but I simply couldn’t find anything I wanted to read. How can there be so many minority-interest magazines? By the time you’ve reached titles like Weeding Today and What Trowel Monthly, I think we’ve passed scraping the bottom of the barrel and headed into the Twilight Zone.’

  I checked the contents of the envelope the Colonel had given me, and discovered that we would be travelling in First Class. Well, of course; how else would a Very Important Person travel? But once through the ticket barriers, it quickly became clear that First Class was at the front of the train, which meant the far end of the platform. So I grabbed Penny’s hand and went striding down the platform at my fastest pace. Penny made quiet, ladylike sounds of distress as she struggled to keep up.

  We reached the First-Class carriage, and a smartly uniformed guard held the door open for us. I pushed Penny on board, took one last glance down the platform and then stepped up into the carriage; the guard slammed the door shut behind me.

  Penny and I passed through the vestibule, and the compartment door hissed open before us. Our reserved seats were located right next to the door. Carefully selected by the Colonel, no doubt, so that once Penny and I were in place, no one would be able to enter or leave the compartment without our noticing. I indicated for Penny to take the window seat, so I could cover the aisle. If anything did happen, I wanted to be able to get to it as quickly as possible. Penny sank down into her seat, opened her magazine and then looked at me guiltily.

  ‘Oh, Ishmael, I’m so sorry! I was in such a hurry to find something I wanted, I didn’t think to get you anything!’

  ‘That’s all right,’ I said. ‘I’d rather concentrate on my surroundings until the job is over. I don’t get bored easily, like most people do.’

  Anyone else would have taken that as a dig, but Penny knew I only meant what I said. She glanced at the far end of the compartment where Sir Dennis was sitting, and then settled herself comfortably and concentrated on her Fortean Times. I looked carefully around me, taking in all the details and memorizing where everything was. Because you never know what might turn out to be important.

  The First-Class compartment was brightly lit and comfortably appointed, but stopped a fair distance short of cosy. The seats were widely spaced, allowing me a clear look at everyone, and the central aisle was narrow but uncluttered, with no luggage left lying around for me to trip over if I had to leap into action. And there was enough space between my few fellow passengers and Sir Dennis that I was confident I could get to them before they could get anywhere near him.

  I settled back in my seat, and Penny cleared her throat. I looked across at her.

  ‘Have you ever had to solve a case on a train before?’ Penny said quietly. ‘Given that you prefer to travel by train …’

  I smiled. Penny always liked to hear about the weirder cases in my past.

  ‘There was th
e Case of the Missing Carriage,’ I said. ‘Some years back, a train arrived at Newcastle station with one carriage fewer than it started out with. A whole carriage packed full of people just disappeared somewhere along the route, without anyone noticing. Everyone on the train was interviewed, passengers and staff, and they were all convinced the train had only stopped at the proper stations, and nothing out of the ordinary had happened at any point. But three more carriages vanished without trace, from three different trains on the same line. So the Organization brought me in. This was back when I was working with your Uncle James – the original Colonel.’

  ‘What happened?’ said Penny.

  ‘The Organization had the rail company send an empty train along the line, with just the Colonel and me in the middle carriage. It was a bit spooky, sitting there watching the scenery, not knowing whether our carriage would be the one to disappear. We’d put certain defences in place, but even so … The journey turned out to be entirely uneventful, but when we arrived at Newcastle, the carriage immediately behind us had disappeared. It took a while to work out what was going on, but eventually we discovered that one particular tunnel had been taking the carriages for itself.’

  ‘How was that possible?’ said Penny.

  ‘Because it wasn’t really a tunnel,’ I said. ‘Just something that looked like one. It wasn’t marked on any of the official maps; it just appeared out of nowhere one day, settled down in place camouflaged as a tunnel, and went to work.’

  ‘Why was it taking the carriages?’

  ‘It wasn’t interested in the carriages; it wanted the passengers. Either because it was hungry or for other reasons best not thought about.’

  Penny shook her head slowly. ‘What did you do?’

  ‘We sent another empty train along the route, only this time all the carriages had been pumped full of poison gas. That did the job.’

  Penny shuddered briefly. ‘I don’t think I’d ever want to travel on a train again after that.’

  ‘The chances of such a thing happening again would have to be pretty remote,’ I said reassuringly.

  ‘But what was it?’ said Penny. ‘This creature that pretended to be a tunnel?’