The Best Thing You Can Steal Read online

  ‘Don’t,’ she said immediately. ‘Save that for the marks.’

  ‘Sorry. Just trying to be friendly.’

  ‘Save that for someone who gives a damn. This is business, not an excuse to put the old team back together.’

  ‘It could be.’

  Her gaze was cold and unflinching. ‘You must know that’s never going to happen. We’re not good for each other.’

  ‘We used to be.’

  ‘And look where that got us.’

  ‘Things will be different this time,’ I said confidently.

  She just shook her head, as though some things were simply too obvious to need saying.

  ‘Do you want some tea?’

  ‘If you’ve got the kettle on,’ I said.

  She shrugged indifferently. ‘Make yourself at home, because you will anyway. I’d tell you not to steal anything, but it’s not like there’s anything here worth taking.’

  She shuffled off into the adjoining kitchen, leaving me to look the place over. It broke my heart to see Annie living in such a shithole. Jagged cracks in the ceiling and patches of mould on the walls; third-hand furniture with long scratch marks and hardly any veneer; and a carpet so faded it was practically colourless. Dust and grime, and trash scattered across the floor – all the signs of someone who just didn’t care any more.

  I remembered our old place, back when we were still a winning team and living high on the hog, surrounded by the loot and luxuries from a hundred triumphant cons. Nothing was too good for us, as long as we took it from somebody else. We thought the good times would go on for ever, the two of us against the world … But we were young then, with no idea the world had such big teeth.

  Most of the room was taken up with Annie’s tools of the trade. Assorted wigs on Styrofoam heads, long racks of clothes in every conceivable style, and a makeup table with a brightly lit mirror. Everything Annie needed to be anyone at all. There were photos all over the place, standing in frames on the furniture or just tacked to the walls, every single one of them an example of Annie in her various guises. Each photo had a handwritten name tag, as though to remind her which identity went with which look. There were no photos of anybody else, and definitely not one of me.

  Annie emerged from her tiny kitchen with two mugs of tea. Just cheap things – no cartoon artwork or funny sayings – as though Annie no longer had room in her life for frivolous things. She thrust one of the mugs at me, and I took a quick sip in self-defence.

  ‘Two sugars,’ I said. ‘You remembered.’

  ‘Don’t make anything of it,’ said Annie. ‘It’s just habit.’

  She gestured at two battered armchairs with stuffing hanging out of them, set facing each other in front of a single-bar electric fire, and we sat down opposite each other. I looked around the flat, trying to think of something nice to say that wouldn’t get me laughed out of court.

  ‘It is awful, isn’t it?’ said Annie. ‘But it’s all I can afford. Thanks to you.’

  ‘That’s not fair,’ I said.

  ‘I ended up here because I trusted you!’

  ‘Then trust me again,’ I said steadily. ‘To help you get back in the game, and out of here.’

  She sighed, staring down into her tea. ‘I’d just about got used to living like this, and then you had to turn up and give me hope again, you bastard. Why did you come back, Gideon?’

  For you, I thought but didn’t say.

  ‘Because I need your talents, and your gift, for the heist,’ I said.

  ‘What about what I need?’

  ‘You need a chance for revenge on Hammer,’ I said. ‘The man who’s really responsible for all of this.’

  ‘Maybe,’ said Annie. ‘But what makes you think you’re the one who can take down Fredric Hammer?’

  ‘I can do it, because I have a very special “Get out of jail free” card,’ I said. ‘Or, more properly, a “Get into Hammer’s private vault and rob him blind” card.’

  She looked at me, trying hard not to seem too interested. ‘How did you get hold of something like that?’

  I grinned. ‘I stole it.’

  ‘Of course you did.’

  She almost smiled at me. I smiled at her anyway.

  ‘So … How are you doing, Annie?’

  ‘How do you think? I’m just … getting through my life, one day at a time.’

  ‘Are you looking forward to the heist?’

  She gave me a hard look. ‘To risking my life, and everything I’ve got, on yet another of your over-confident schemes?’

  I made a point of not looking round at her flat. ‘Do you really have that much to lose?’

  ‘It may not be much, but it’s mine,’ she said quietly. ‘I’ve lost so much already that you wouldn’t think I cared, but I do.’

  ‘If we do this right, all your troubles will be over.’

  ‘I’ve heard that from you before,’ said Annie. ‘And … it’s been a long time since I did anything like this.’

  ‘What have you been doing?’

  She shrugged. ‘Industrial espionage, honey traps, the occasional spot of escorting when times get hard.’

  She studied my face intently, but I was careful to keep my expression entirely non-judgemental.

  ‘You’ve been away for some time,’ Annie said finally. ‘I heard you got out and left all the weird stuff behind you. So what have you been doing?’

  ‘Keeping my head down and biding my time. Living an ordinary life, in the ordinary world. But I could never forget who I used to be, or that I belonged here, with you.’

  ‘Don’t push your luck,’ said Annie.

  I had to grin. ‘That’s practically my job description. You have your gift, and I have mine. The gift of the gab.’

  ‘But my gift isn’t reliable any more.’ She looked at her tea again, so she wouldn’t have to look at me.

  ‘It’ll come back to you,’ I said easily. ‘I have faith in you.’

  She smiled briefly. ‘You always knew how to say the cruellest things. Why are you so determined to go after Hammer, Gideon? You of all people have good reason to know how dangerous that man can be.’

  ‘He’ll be a hard nut to crack,’ I said, ‘but we have professional-level sneakiness on our side. I’ve put a lot of thought and planning into this heist, Annie. It’s our chance to win big and get our own back on Hammer. To be a team again, and the kind of people we used to believe we were.’

  ‘Too much time has passed,’ said Annie. ‘I don’t think I can be that person any more.’

  ‘Come on; what happened to all the dreams we used to have?’

  ‘They got turned into nightmares. Because we tried to fly too high, too close to the sun, and got burned.’

  ‘But we had a hell of a view while we were up there.’

  And then we both looked round sharply as we heard heavy footsteps approaching down the corridor. They didn’t sound at all friendly. We were both up and out of our chairs in a moment. I shot a quick look at the locked and chained door. It didn’t look as if it could keep out anyone determined to get in.

  ‘Whoever that is,’ I said quietly, ‘they don’t seem to care that we know they’re coming.’

  ‘It’s not one of ours?’

  ‘I wouldn’t have expected one of the others to get here this early.’

  ‘Could Hammer have found out about us already?’ Annie said suddenly.

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘That’s not possible …’

  ‘This is Fredric Hammer we’re talking about! He has people everywhere! Gideon, are you carrying?’

  ‘You mean a weapon? You know I never use them.’

  ‘People change.’

  ‘I’ll never change that much.’

  ‘You might have to if we’re going up against Hammer.’

  The footsteps finally came to a halt, right outside the door. Without realizing, Annie moved a little closer to me. There was a long pause. Not a sound from out in the corridor.

  ‘Why haven’t they k
nocked?’ Annie said quietly.

  ‘Maybe they’re looking for the bell.’

  ‘There isn’t one.’

  ‘That would explain it.’ I looked quickly around the flat. ‘Not that I’m saying we need one, but … is there another way out of here?’

  ‘Just the window,’ said Annie. ‘Which isn’t particularly useful, unless you’ve got a rope ladder or a parachute under your jacket.’

  ‘Of course not,’ I said. ‘That would ruin the style.’

  We both stared at the door. It was worryingly quiet out in the corridor.

  ‘Maybe you shouldn’t have got rid of that lucky charm after all,’ said Annie.

  The door slammed open, snapping the steel chain, and the Damned strode in. He elbowed the door shut again without looking round and studied us both coldly. He was wearing a dark suit that fitted where it touched, like a predator wearing the skin of one of its kills. I thought the Damned looked a little less impressive for being seen in daylight … but even so, just standing there, his presence filled the flat. He seemed too big for the world, as though he might break anything he touched.

  ‘Annie,’ I said, in my steadiest voice, ‘allow me to present Lex Talon, known for very good reason as the Damned. Lex, this is Annie Anybody. Please be nice.’

  He nodded stiffly to Annie. ‘Charmed.’

  Annie just glared right back at him. ‘Don’t you ever knock?’

  ‘I don’t believe in giving warnings,’ said Lex. He turned his unrelenting gaze on me. ‘Where are the others?’

  ‘They’ll be here,’ I said, doing my best to sound entirely convinced about that.

  ‘I’d better check the door is secure,’ said Annie. She glared at Lex. ‘And if there’s any damage, you can pay to put it right.’

  She walked right at Lex, and he stepped out of her way at the very last moment. I was quietly pleased that Annie hadn’t lost her nerve, and that Lex was ready to at least have a go at being civilized. I gave him my best hard look anyway.

  ‘Why were you hanging around outside for so long?’

  ‘It’s been a long time since I was part of the world,’ Lex said slowly. ‘I was trying to remember how people behave.’

  ‘Well,’ I said, ‘you almost got it right.’

  Annie hadn’t even reached the door when it suddenly burst open again and the Wild Card came bouncing in. He went charging round the flat, talking a mile a minute and taking a keen interest in everything, before finally crashing to a halt in front of us, beaming all over his face.

  ‘Hello! Hello! Good to be here, good to be anywhere really, given the alternative. I know you, don’t I … Yes! Gideon Sable, or very nearly. And you must be Annie Anybody, because I can’t see the large glowering person here getting into any of those dresses. Which means you must be the Damned! I thought you’d be scarier.’

  ‘I am,’ said Lex.

  Johnny Wilde smiled vaguely at all of us, as though already having trouble remembering our names or why he was there. He grabbed my mug of tea, took a good mouthful and spat it out. He tossed the mug over his shoulder and it vanished in mid-air. Johnny’s arms were suddenly full of a large bunch of brightly coloured flowers, which he presented to Annie with a courteous bow.

  ‘For you, my dear. To celebrate our first meeting, I bring living things cut down in their prime. I’m a great believer in tradition. And it’s not like there’s ever any shortage of flowers in a cemetery, which is where I happen to be residing at the moment, because it’s peaceful and I can hear myself not thinking.’

  He pushed the flowers into Annie’s hands, and she did her best to look pleased.

  ‘They smell lovely,’ said Annie. ‘I’d better put them in some water …’

  ‘If you think it’ll do any good,’ Johnny said doubtfully. ‘But you’re only giving them false hope.’

  He spun suddenly round to stare intently at Lex, not even slightly impressed by the man’s presence.

  ‘Hello there, big boy! Are those halos on your wrists or are you just pleased to see me? The voices tell me that you’re damned, but what the hell – it happens to all the best people. I know a funny story about Heaven and Hell, which is all the funnier for being true. Remind me not to tell it to you later if you like sleeping … Ooh! Look at that!’

  And he went bouncing off round the room again, peering closely at everything in case it might be faking, and still chattering happily away, not in the least bothered by our lack of response.

  ‘Love what you haven’t done with the place, Annie. It’s so all of you. With this many different identities crammed together in one room, it’s like being stuck in the middle of a party where everyone is shouting at once. Like the ghosts of everyone you’ve ever been.’

  There was an almost desperate edge to his voice, as though he was trying to distract himself from what was going on inside his head. He snatched up one of Annie’s wigs and tried it on, contemplating himself in a mirror on the wall that I would have sworn hadn’t been there a moment before. He waved at his reflection, but the reflection didn’t wave back, just shook its head resignedly. Johnny pouted sulkily, ripped the wig off and started to eat it. And then he suddenly seemed to remember that he wasn’t alone, dropped the wig and turned back to smile bashfully at us.

  ‘I’m not used to being among people any more. They break so easily if I’m not careful about what I say. And it is hard to remember my people skills when there’s so little left of the person I used to be.’ He surprised me then with a perfectly sane smile. ‘But there’s a lot of that going around, isn’t there?’

  ‘Take it easy, Johnny,’ I said. ‘You’re among friends. You don’t need to impress anyone with how weird you are.’

  ‘Thank you for bringing me on to this team, Gideon,’ he said, his voice still hanging on to normality by its fingernails. ‘I do like to keep busy, and I really am looking forward to making Fredric Hammer cry like a baby.’

  He thrust out a hand for me to shake. He was standing on the other side of the room when he did it, but I could still feel a very solid hand grasping mine. I shook it solemnly, and the hand crumpled like paper and faded away.

  ‘I’ll just put these flowers in a vase,’ said Annie.

  ‘What flowers?’ said Johnny.

  Annie looked down and found her arms were empty. The bouquet had disappeared while we were all concentrating on other things. Annie glared at Johnny, who seemed honestly puzzled as to why she was so upset. He shrugged quickly and rushed over to plant himself right in front of Lex again. He stared intently into Lex’s face, as though searching for something, and the Damned growled at him warningly.

  ‘Down, boy!’ said Johnny.

  A dog biscuit appeared in his hand out of nowhere, and as Lex opened his mouth to say something, Johnny popped the biscuit in. Lex started to spit it out and then decided he liked it. He crunched the biscuit noisily, while Johnny looked at him proudly, as though he’d just taught an old dog a new trick. And who was to say he hadn’t?

  Annie shot me a look that said very clearly, This is all your fault …

  ‘Isn’t this nice?’ I said brightly. ‘And I was worried you wouldn’t get on together …’

  ‘I can get on with anyone,’ Johnny said frostily. ‘It’s other people who have problems getting on with me. It’s not my fault I’m complicated …’

  Lex swallowed the last of his biscuit and looked at him thoughtfully. ‘You’re not scared of me. That’s unusual.’

  ‘There’s nothing in this world that can scare me any more,’ said Johnny, just a bit sadly.

  ‘You do know I could crush you with my thumb?’ said Lex.

  ‘I’d only bounce back,’ said Johnny. ‘The material world no longer has jurisdiction over me, because I have supernatural immunity. Cause and consequence just slip and slide around me like water off a duck’s back. Now, that is interesting … Normally, when I tell people things like that, they have the good sense to be very disturbed, but you’re not even a little bit scared o
f me, are you, Lex? Even though you see me more clearly than most, because those awful things on your wrist mean you have a foot in other worlds. You don’t just wear those halos; they wear you.’

  ‘Do you know how to give them back?’ said Lex.

  ‘Why would you want to?’ Johnny shrugged easily. ‘If you could only see what I’ve seen, you wouldn’t be nearly so concerned about the Hereafter. You might be a lot more worried about other things, but … You look so alone, my dear fellow. Is there anything I can do for you?’

  Lex smiled. ‘Do you have another biscuit?’

  ‘Um … hello?’

  None of us had realized the Ghost was there with us until he announced his presence in a quietly deferential voice. We all jumped a little, even Lex, though he tried very hard to look as if he hadn’t. The Ghost was difficult to make out at first – little more than a human shape formed out of smoke – but under the pressure of so many gazes, he abruptly snapped into sharp focus, as though he needed everyone’s attention before he could be sure he really was there.

  The Ghost was standing in the furthest corner of the room, although hovering would probably have been a better term, given that his feet didn’t quite reach the floor. It was always possible he’d forgotten they were supposed to. His clothes were a little more detailed than the last time I’d seen him, even if the colours were all over the place, suggesting he was making a special effort. And his long, white hair still drifted slowly this way and that, stirred by some unnatural breeze.

  ‘How long have you been there?’ said Annie.

  The Ghost frowned thoughtfully. ‘That’s a time question, isn’t it? I’ve never been very good with time …’

  ‘Have you been listening to us?’ said Annie.